He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do herpes really smell.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
