dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I could fuck to npr.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
