I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize