oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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