don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
