I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
