U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
