I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
