Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
