You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
