I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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