this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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