i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
