I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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