that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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