I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
