im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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