I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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