Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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