Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
