theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
