I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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