that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
