Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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