So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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