why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
