I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i came on her dog
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you never un-have a 4some
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
