who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
