We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
