Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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