I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize