I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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