How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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