Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
