I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
