Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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