my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
