why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
