so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
