I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
