How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
