3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A bitchslap is in order.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
