based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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