my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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