all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
