I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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