3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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