so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
