I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize