having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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