very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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