Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
