btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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