Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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