he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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