oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
