I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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