the condom got lost in my hair
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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