Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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