I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
