sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
