I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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