Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
