Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
