I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
