a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
