Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
