I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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