Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
