i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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