her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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