Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
