i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
