I can't watch pbs sober anymore
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
