im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
