you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
