Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
