Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
