Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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