tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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