I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
