i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize