If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
