Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
