I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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