my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
