Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize