Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You made out with two different species that night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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