What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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