so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
