Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
