Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
