I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
