so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
