better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize