Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dear god my vagina.
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