I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
