i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
