between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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